My way or th highway

Yr way is good. My way is a pack of Camel Blues w each stick smoked consecutively until th pack has availed itself of its insides. Yr way is a joint twixt bandmates. My way is I literally just woke up in mythic Bridgeport, CT on th floor of a place where just a few hours prior @ least 5 people were enjoying their K-holes, riding blind or practised into their K-holes, fighting w their K-holes for power over their own bodies & more, more, more importantly, their words. This battle was won & lost, as battles are, inside a K-hole. Yr way is jamming. My way is 3 brilliant idiot geniuses in a room w instruments, mind alters, & God (for th tie-breakers). Give 'em some lube & leave 'em lonely; there is only ever one ending to that story.

My way will end w ...

Which Pinhead wants to dance? It's been a long night, You; & I think I disapprove of how YOU do business

Now gtfo my office


💡💡Desperately seeking a friend for th (vidgame) end💡💡

Been playing a metric fuckton of vidgames lately. & here are some notes


Th Devil May Cry series (& most notably DmC: which you either consider to be th ONLY Devil May Cry game, or th BASTARD Devil May Cry game) relies heavily on its unique & interesting "style combo" mechanic... which goes like this

-you have 4 or 5 or 6 or 7 core ways to attack enemies by th end of th game, but each way stands @ th apex of a kind of tree of subsets of moves:
-so like each core skill has its own menu of many, many more special moves than you can afford (so yr forced to only choose & use a few per skill per game -- infinite replay value)
-& you get more, both as th game progresses & as you buy them w whatever game currency you have collected from th in-game farming grind. THAT SAID

TH THING THAT MAKES DmC SO UNIQUE is its whole "style bonus" thing. Remember when you'd play early incarnations of Th Sims & whatever 🐝other🐤 Sim yrs was talking to would get bored if you didn't choose varying conversational topics in an array of patterns because th AI on th software memorized & PREDICTED 👽your👽moves & cock-blocked you for being insincere without being smooth, like in real life? Well, DmC does that w fighting. If you wanna get a decent score & not get called something abusive, you gotta mix up th skills & moves you've acqired/ learned to execute/ th distinction between th two is v. important, as is doing both of these things w reliable success as a sortuv reflex action

So now that that's out of th way, assuming you followed it AND care enough to continue, I can share my actual thought


Th way I finally got th hang of DmC & 🎮ALL games🎮 where this kind of chaotic, non-mindless button-mashing is important (see also: Rock Band end song solos that are supposed to be improvised on th spur of th moment) was/ is to imagine th super simple version of Für Elîse. A button corresponds to a note in th melody of th song; doesn't matter which buttons correspond w which notes. What matters is that this designation remains 🎶consistent🎶 as it is 🎵used repeatedly🎵. It's Für Elîse; it's a work of genius; everybody knows that; it will never do anything but get you into heaven whenever "random" "style combo" pattern variations need accessing rapid-fire

🎮That's th one. 🎶Yr welcome🎶; you just beat th game w an impeccable "style combo" score

Or yr welcome to Hell, if yr Dante. If yr Dante, yr separated from Yr Mojo by an enormous hoard of demons that find yr moves boring

All of my useless interests/ skills are converging on this one desperate point, somewhere in th middle of what looks to be endless on all sides. Hope you have enjoyed yr ride 💩 th exits are hereherehereherehere 👉anywhere👈


(God Only Knows by Th Beach Boys works too. Every time. My 👋 to 🌎)

here she is, my beautiful world
  • Current Music
    "Playing Golf (With My Flesh Crawling", Family Fodder
Chemotherapy 4 Th Soul

think I'm in 💞love💞

There's just no prosaic way to put it; putting it out there is all I can do.

I'm feeling fearless. I'm not feeling getting my heart ripped a new asshole. How long'm I gonna ride it? Until I trip? Until I bleed? Until I tumbleweed across a desolate landscape, th ghost-town of my romantic & sexual pasts visible only in th distance of my rear-view? I'm putting you in charge of this. I surrender to you my inventory, my timeline, my extra lives, my entire decision-making process. All of it is yrs now. Go 'head; ah'm easy; rip my heart a new one. Just make it MESSY

A toast, then:
✔ May all yr stoplights be yellow; choose yr own adventure
✅ May all yr flags be white; use yr arms for hold-me-tight
✔ May all yr smokes be holy; put it to Th Sky for a vote
✔ May all yr dreams be wet; may th wetness soak right through to yr bloodstream & get ♻recycle-pumped♻ back through yr body forever

Do it, do it now; 🚥gun it🚥 gun it 🚦run it🚦 run it run it. Get yr insides whitewashed... you never knew dirty could make a person feel this CLEAN. Laundry daydreams converting all yr remaining hearts to verse-verse-chorus-verse-chorus-bridge-chorus. If we were in a movie, you'd be happy to see me, smilin' frame by frame. Find th craziest thought inside yr head, wrestle it to th ground, & then deliver it to me first class. ⚓I want th worst of you.⚓ In bracelets, in Th Wind; whatever comes natural. Make it raw & ugly; make it svelte & warm; make it count. Life gets shorter by th day -- but This? This could outlive Th Sun.

  • Current Music
    "Lightning Strikes", Klaus Nomi
Never Again...

R.I.P. 👑Prince👑

People love to racial profile themselves. Being th product of "white" Europeans far enough back on th timeline that I barely even know where they hailed from, I guess it's easy for me to say "I'm 🌽American🌽; it's a melting pot; YOU'RE American; stop saying yr something else & calling it Pride; get 🍦melted🏁, LOVE to get melted" etc (this is also how I manage to offend people constantly, no doubt). I realize it's easy for me as a straight honky to ☔empathize☔ w th various adversities & advantages of identifying w a culture or ethnicity or gender or sexual orientation, but I know I can't 🏊sympathize🏊. My feeling has always been 🌊People🌊 are from 🌍Earth🌎; 🔥Sarianna🔥 is from 👽Mars👽 -- & I've always never had a problem w that. Go on & tell me I'm wrong, I been called all kinds a' things. Or try this: take 💎pride💎 in yr own self, yr own skin, yr own stupid fucking dreams, yr own creations, yr own adventures, yr own voice, yr own right to use it -- take pride in yr own 👉middle fingers👈; ain't no two other middle fingers ❄exactly❄ like 'em.

& Ev'ryone says I look like You

I WANT YR FACE. Mark my grace; this is my world: I want to see you go wild. When you remember yr life, you will remember tonight. I came for you -- we're not gone'a bed, we never gonna sleep again -- I CAME for you SMS 1:13am


Sari, what you doin' on th mountain? Sari, what you doin' in th air? If you lookin' for Sari, y'll be lookin'

SMS 1:31am


I run th risk of talking you to 💀death💀 right bout now. I bet you noticed how Attica tries to turn every activity into a game, right. I feel like that @ this moment. No winning or losing; we all simultaneous winners losers forfeiters thieves on this worldline already. I feel like conveying my actual feelings using only AWK song titles/lyrics from exclusively his Korea/salvia album. I did do that, those last 2 messages. I won, I stole, I lost, & I forfeited. If you were here, perhaps we could tie. Perhaps my soul would get tied w yr soul, & a tie-breaker would NEVER be in order. Love ain't no arena; & there are no refs on a battlefield -- not in 'Nam, not in Th Shit. I'm in Th Smit. Are you dreaming of this intensity I'm smoking into yr atmosphere? Because I feel like a goddamn dragon. Don't put me out. Please, don't EVER put me out. Why do people treat me like a lake on fire. I put out just fine on my own SMS 1:35am


3 text messages, just sent

ALL TH MARIOS on every wordline & from every era of his existence have been preparing for this role since Th Dawn: ever since that first empty castle. Mario remembers clearly th first time he was unshocked by Th Princess being in another castle -- even more clearly than he remembers th first time he was shocked by Th Princess being in another castle. Th ratio is so glaringly not in his favor. Bad Timing has been his superpower @ least 79x in 80. Even th warp zones he occasionally stumbled upon via tindR or livejournal or marriage made him feel like both time & space were his enemy, trying to dupe him into a feeling of being closer to something that is just inherently always never in his castle. It got so he couldn't even remember if her name was Daisy, Peach, Toadstool... granted, he ate & used as weapons a lot of strange flora & fungi during his mostly fruitless journey to no permanent resolution @ all. Perhaps it got confusing -- plumbers do not exactly wear ties. Perhaps it was th assumption that his princess was always in another castle that became his mantra, his guide, his best friend, his personal trainer, & his true brother once he actually started taking it for granted... it WAS a given, after all. Will he be disappointed that his Princess is finally in his castle, in all th castles simultaneously, now? Will he lose his will to fight? Will he be in th land of th lotus eaters until he decides th princess is actually boring & he opts to take th needle out his arm? Depends on whether th princess is actually a boring person, I guess. It isn't as though they've ever been in th same room long enough to even have a phone conversation, really. If we're being real (we are totally being real, everything I'm saying right now is real), Bowser's love for th princess is 100,000,000,000x MORE JUSTIFIED than Mario's: he may be ugly, but he has spent DECADES OF FACE TIME w th princess by now. Nonetheless, Mario has chased his predictably disappointing dream w all th determination & --> MMS 1:52am

--> foolhardiness, rigor n' vigor, of th No Ordinary Neon Pegasus refusing th rule of th Gummy King & his gluten-powered armada. Across 🚀 s p a c e 🚀; & I'm almost positive Pegasus hailed from a place or time where Mt. Olympus was th highest geographical peak of consensus imagination; nobody knew space even existed. By any empirical determination, even flying @ eye level w th clouds on a sunny day was such an act of hubris it merited yr wings melting away & betraying you mid-air; why would Pegasus risk that. Why would he?! But he did, he does, he WILL; & so did, does, will Mario. There is no good reason; it's not even like his princess was texting him all 'come home, PaPa; I'm not in another castle'. He acted on impulse & he left a trail of sparkly, shroomy guts-offal behind him because no one man who is a unicorn can contain that many guts. Y'just... come undone as you travel, a little more w every empty castle you come to; a little less w every empty castle you come to. Make yr heart weaker, stronger, or more oblivious: or stay heartbroken, or exist in all 3 realms @ once. After Katrina, many were like 'this place is fucked, I'm leaving'; many were like 'now is th right time to buy real estate here'. I don't think I have to tell you when Mario made his move to New Orleans. You know what Mario does when th traffic lights go yellow. Mario's motives are never not full throttle; he only runs on diesel & his diesel is th idiotic belief in a magick that can't be seen or touched or sensed & that is only EVER negatively reinforced. 'Most powerful genre of behavioral reinforcement there is, easy' -- is what Mario says, flying ever closer to th actual sun in actual space as he cheerfully continues his divinely epic quest to nothing remotely reinforcing. Mario is inherently self-destructive, but he's been @ it so long & adopted toward it such a positive attitude that this incessant self-harm has actually 💡created💡 him.

"Poison ain't my poison, MaMa. I throw bottles of poison @ th ground to invert th daytime/nighttime cycle & MAKE DOORS. Poison isn't a thing you drink. It's a thing you 🎶use👑." @ whatever point he realized it, Mario realized that th IDEA, th PREMISE he was using wasn't th problem. He shifted perspectives. @ certain moments, ---> MMS 2:09AM

---> he had to adapt to evolve or devolve from th platformer template he was so used to... to th ACTION ADVENTURE template, where reflexes & timing are moot & it's all about which 💭words💬 y'choose. In order to get to th next level -- th next princessless castle, th next monument to virginity -- all he REALLY had to do was substitute th verb 'use' for 'take' or 'get'. He 'used' th SHIT out of that poison, when just 'taking' or 'getting' it would never have been enough... transforming its purpose completely. & that, PaPa, made all th difference. I reckon it'd be nice if you take or get my message now. But if you USE it -- if yr perspective, yr whole reality template changes -- you can live & grow w Th Princess being in Yr Castle just exactly @ th same ratio @ which she is in yr CORNER. & then all that self-creating you did bouncing from sexless castle to sexless castle will not have been an exercise in pointless, stubborn self-abuse @ all. It'll just be a door you stepped through. So it's made out of poison, so what. So WHAT. It was fucking 👊necessary👊. You died & were reborn in th same instant; th rules as you knew them no longer apply to you; Th Princess doesn't even LIKE castles... & you KNOW that, now that you KNOW her. &... she's waiting for you. In YOUR bed. YOUR castle. YOUR fuckmat. YOURS & HERS. Bowser was never th enemy. He is th symbol formerly known as yr struggle to become someone capable of loving & worthy of being loved. Bowser has always been yr best friend; Th Princess was always in another castle because YOUR castle needed a great deal of work & transformation from Fortress of Solitude to Do You Want Children.

Do you want children, Princess?
I want YOUR child; @ least right now I do.
I want to fuck a baby into you.
I want to fuck a baby out of you.
I knew I was an adult when I started seeing Phoebe Cates less as a fuck-icon & more as a daughter-icon.
You knew you were an adult?! You know you are an adult?! Part of having children is being a child again yr own self, staying a child FOREVER; taking out th trash is reinforcing.
Everything is reinforcing.
Everything is reinforcing.
Is it Love?
Maybe it's...

... MMS 2:27am

Green Porno

Talking Bout God

'It's important to talk to god: however you conceptualize God. Imagine a channel between you, like he's walking toward you on a completely empty street. Ask him to help you believe, if that's yr trouble. If framing it differently helps, imagine yrself as a 💞conduit💞 for ⚡magick⚡. Brilliance lightning strikes you on th regular; yr in love w someone to whom you can tell 🚬anything💣; you are finally going to see Th Herrema Strut up close w yr bare eyes; th sky takes yr breath w it every day it sets; surely one of yr hundred-odd songs has some money-making potential; you can roll picture perfect cigarettes while highway driving; you will never resort to TindR or OKCupid or any other dating service ever again: there will be no need. Forget angles -- all th angles -- lest we fail to become 😇angels😈'

Th next time you do something -- anything -- ask yrself, 'is it Love?' Even th next time you do a thought, a reflex, a snap judgment, a snap-@-yr-parents. Is it Love? Because if it isn't, you get no gold stars for being th beacon of hope, faith, & bigheartedness that you were born to be. Yr playing it cool; too cool. Stop being cool. Get hot; get asteroid-entering-th-atmosphere hot

so we can celebrate yr arrival from space. Is it Love? It is Love.
  • Current Music
    "Stop", Royal Trux